you've probs been through a lot of shit but i know you're trying your best to get out of it, go read your favorite book, or something that really calms you down, rest when you need to, talk to someone that you trust, talk to whom you love on how you're currently feeling, happy, sad, angry, overwhelmed and more. It's okay to fail, it's okay to cry or feel angry because of it, just assure that it doesn't consume you because no one is perfect, no one really is, I'm not perfect too, so don't feel shit because of it because a failure can help you go through a level, by learning from it